XMen Evolution: Attack of the Gnomes
by Commander Salamander
Summary: A loney castle, a thunderstorm, a Mad Scientist with too much time on his hands and a Proffesor with strange tastes in garden ornaments!
1. It All Starts

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and i have no ownership blah blah, no point sueing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 1- It All Starts…  
  
It was dark. As black as a raven's wing when the raven is standing in an old basement, with no lights on and everything. You know the kind, no windows and an old furnace that makes funny noises.   
  
So that makes it really dark.  
  
And the dark was at times even darker, due to the large bolts of lightening that flashed across the stormy sky, the sort that burn holes in your retina and make vampires and boogiemen look like ordinary piles of household objects.  
  
And in this lightening rich darkness, a madman laughed.  
  
In his madness threw back his arms and laughed. The maddened sound bubbled from his mad lips, like the strange concoctions, and solutions in the many tubes, beakers and flasks on the many benches behind him. A bolt of lightening flashed, as is conventional. And still the madman laughed.   
  
That was until he choked and began to cough, this spoiled the effect slightly, still it was one had to say a mad cough. The madman clutched at his lab coat, this showed that he was no ordinary madman, but a highly qualified genius, in a mad sort of way. In short, a Mad Scientist. Who was now madly having a glass of water. Anyone who has tried it can tell you how difficult it is to do. Without getting wet. The fact our Mad Scientist did not get wet or even slightly damp just goes to show that he was very good at being mad. He even had a certificate, of which he was very proud. It had guilt edges, if that didn't mean something then I know what it means.   
  
He let out an insane giggle when he saw it. Oh he would show Them. He had a most diabolical plan, oh yeah They would be sorry. Sorry They ever laughed at him.  
  
The Mad Scientist hunched over with mirth, and rubbed his hands together in a frenzied way. Oh boy, oh boy. This was going to be good.  
  
And with that quickly set to work on the last preparations that were needed for his mad, evil and diabolical plan…  
  
Before him, there was a table. Not your ordinary table mind you, but one that with the push of a button would cause small lightening rods at each corner to pop up and then send the whole structure up through a special trapdoor-like arrangement in the ceiling and into the storm filled sky. Where a bolt of lightening would strike it and cause his creation to come to life! MUAHA HA HA HA HA!  
  
And once again he threw his arms and laughed. Then still giggling and chuckling insanely, bustled about checking his checklist, and adjusting various meters and gauges. Sure these days you could do the same thing with computers and electricity from the mains and all the rest but if you did the satisfaction was not there. And what real Mad Scientist wouldn't use lightening, they couldn't call themselves one if they didn't. Besides doing it any other way would rack up a huge electricity bill and Mad Scientists did not get much in the way of funding from the scientific community, being unappreciated and all.  
  
Unfortunately, the Mad Scientist's plan didn't seem very well thought out. Sure he had the lonely castle, the lightening rods, the table, chemicals, his mum's permission and his certificate. But the lifeless form under the sheet was a bit on the er…short side. Ok you have to say it was well built and looked strong enough. Though how could something only a foot high possibly terrify a pack of horror-hardened Mad Scientists who had seen more terrifying in the back of the fridge?  
  
So, you really have to wonder… 


	2. Homecoming

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 2- Homecoming.  
  
The flight had been long. But that was what you got if you had to change your tickets to Small Banana Republic Airlines at short notice and could only get seats in cattle class, literally. And though Kurt was sad to leave his parents again to go back to the Institute she was pretty damn sure that a flight back on American Airways in First Class would have made him feel better. Oh no, he thought bitterly, that would almost make my life worth living. And then when I get "home" Logan is bound to waiting with a nice long session in the Danger Room to "celebrate" my return. He glared at a passing chicken, that was what the in flight meal was suppose to have been. Ha, mind you airline food is airline food no matter what airline you flew and he hadn't much chance of getting any, at least on AA he would have at least seen champagne. As for The Argument Between The Fat Woman and the Skinny Man Over Bored Pig had been entertaining it wasn't a real in flight movie.   
  
Kurt felt cheated.  
  
He also was curious. Actually it was as he thought more of a right to know what exactly what the Professor had brought back from Germany with him.  
  
Kurt understood the fact that the Professor was hard working and decided to go on a summer holiday. And since he hadn't really seen much of Germany decided to take Kurt along so he could have some nice family bonding moments. Kurt also could get that Hank wanted to visit some of his scientist buddies as well, so he got to go along. But why so many damn crates which where very heavy, were marked fragile and so expensive? So much so that the Prof. Had maxed out all his credit cards. Too make things worse, the two of them were hinting at how everybody would be so surprised to see the mysteries inside and how they were a total bargain and the old gypsy woman had been almost angry at the price they had talked her down to.   
  
Surprises were good, Kurt decided, he was a surprises kind of guy. But only so long as they were pleasant, but the old gypsy woman part was a little worrying. He got the feeling that both Logan and Ororo were not going to like the surprises as much as the Prof. or Hank did.   
  
Finally the plane, (if you could call it that, it was made from old orange boxes and plenty of twine!) touched down on American soil. The crates were carefully loaded onto a truck. And Logan was waiting at the airport for them.  
  
Logan was definitely surprised. And that was when he saw the aircraft itself. The crates elicited an entirely different response.   
  
"What th' HELL are those for!" His eyes bulged.  
  
But the Prof. only smiled knowing and tapped his nose. "It's a surprise." He said  
  
Something about that did not make Logan any happier. And certainly did not sound like the spare parts for the X-Jet that they needed. And Logan remembered specifically demanding um er… asking politely for them. The fact that upon asking what exactly was in the crates and only getting giggles out of the two idiots, served only to make Logan angrier.  
  
"Well Chuck," Logan bellowed into the Professors face, " ya lucky ya already have a wheel chair, if'n I don't like ya "surprise ya not gonna be able to use ya legs even if ya wanted to!"  
  
Charles took it all serenely and promised Logan he would. Unfortunately Logan still had misgivings.   
  
The ride to the Institute was long, and was not helped by Logan's dark mutterings over the steering wheel and his scowling glances in the rear view mirror, or the Prof. and Hanks animated conversation about nothing in particular. Kurt sighed and stared out the car window. His only hope was that Rogue and Kitty were there and Scott wasn't too besotted with Jean to hang out with him. Also that Logan might be too angry to bother about his welcome home training. He smiled to himself. Yes that would cheer him right up. 


	3. What To Do?

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 3-What To Do, What To Do…  
  
The limousine drove through the gates and into the waiting garage. Logan leaped out of the car and strode off towards the Institute still muttering under his breath, Rogue and Kitty having seen the car come in the gate had come to greet Kurt and give him a muffin, saw a brisling Logan come toward them a carefully stepped to one side. They had seen that look before, and it did not mean a nice friendly hug.   
  
"Wha' was awl tha' abou'?" Asked Rogue.  
  
Kurt sighed as he lumbered past with his luggage. "Ze Provesser and Hank brought back wiss zem sum strange crates.  
  
"An' I'd be gettin' no prizes if ah guessed that was wat Logan was all snarled up abou."  
  
"Ya." Nodded Kurt.  
  
"Well what's in the boxes that would make Mr. Logan so upset anyway?"  
  
"Zat is sumting zat I do not know. But whatezer is en zose boxzes ment we came home via Banana Republic Airvays!"   
  
In seeing the surprise on their faces, Kurt took them both by the arm and began to regale them with the whole story. Well as much as he knew anyway.  
  
As for Charles and Hank? Once the three of them were out of earshot, they immediately launched into a discussion about what they were going to do with the mysterious contents of those darn boxes.  
  
"You know, I don't think that I can keep our secret any longer Charles! Oh, I know, when the crates get here why don't we get everybody together and then we open the crates and everyone can help put it all together!" Gushed Hank, he clapped his hands together with excitement.  
  
Charles sat and stroked his chin.  
  
"No, no, I think that it would be more appropriate and surprising," he shook a finger in the air, as he smiled with the sheer greatness of his plan, "if we surprise people with our surprise in an affectionate and personal way!"  
  
Hank's face was a mask of surprise. "See! It's working already!" Cried Xavier.  
  
Then he laughed at his joke and Hank laughed too. And so they both laughed and patted each other on the back and smiled at the surprise that everyone was going to get in an affectionate and personal way.  
  
Then they went inside to have a nice cup of tea and plan everyone's affectionate and personal surprises.  
  
Fortunately for both Hank and the Professor, they had not given away what exactly the surprise was and neither Jean or Scott knew what it was all about. The two had been eavesdropping and wondered what had the Professor brought home from holiday?  
  
Hummmmmn… what indeed? And what were Scott and Jean actually doing behind the bike shed? What indeed? 


	4. Styrofoam Peanuts

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 4- Styrofoam Peanuts!  
  
The truck and its cargo drove into the gates of the Xavier Institute late that evening and the crates inside unloaded and stored in Hank's Lab, where he kept watch over them, giggling every time anyone asked what was in them. And everyone asked. The two gossips that had heard that the crate contained surprises for everyone and that they would be presented in an affectionate and personal way worried everybody. They all remembered what the Professor and Hank had done when April Fools Day had rolled around earlier in the year and nobody had really appreciated the "humour" of the various things that happened. Especially since they both had got helpful hints and advice from Bobby. There was a fear that their success had gone to their heads and for this reason everyone was uneasy.  
  
A small group had formed around the door outside of the laboratory; the air was filled with speculation. Hank and Charles where inside and although nobody was allowed to be in there with them, every time somebody entered they were given sufficient time to gawp at what was inside with them and then ushered out. That was until Logan appeared.  
  
With very purposeful strides and an expression that could wipe out small island nations. The crowd watched his approach and then scattered before him. The door was then thrown back so hard it almost jumped off its hinges and he entered. The door reeling from the shock slowly staggered forward and closed.  
  
It did not take Logan to decide that these boxes did not contain his much needed parts for the X-Jet. For one, delicate and extremely precise machinery usually didn't come packaged in Styrofoam peanuts. Number two; unless they intended to give him the said machinery as a un-birthday present, there was no need for the piles of wrapping paper and ribbons. All of this made Logan quite vexed. And he let both Chuck and Hank know it.   
  
Luckily for the young and impressionable ears in the hallway the walls of Hanks Lab were quite thick. But even so some of the oldest among them learnt a few new words, Remy for one was shocked and appalled.   
  
As for the Professor and Hank? Well they both sustained only minor injuries in the small scuffle that might not have been exactly what Logan had promised them earlier, but was as much as he could give them before the others decided that that was quite enough and pulled him off.   
  
Ororo watched Logan's retreating back, not good, definitely not good; he had been waiting the whole time for Charles to return with parts for his beloved aircraft. Now he has most likely gone to visit it and sulk. The X Men are not going to have it easy. She thought. She turned, Scott and Kurt were helping the Professor back into his wheelchair, and Jean was helping Hank back up.   
  
"Do you think that it would have been wiser to tell him what is in those crates of yours Charles?" Questioned Ororo.  
  
Hank grunted in agreement with her question and rubbed the nasty bump on his head.  
  
Charles merely shook his head and shifted in his seat to his other, less painful buttock. "No." He said.  
  
With that, Ororo put her hands on her hips and opened her mouth to ask why when Charles continued, with a wave of his hand in a very dismissing manner he said, "No, by tomorrow morning everybody will have their curiosity satisfied." And with that he wheeled away.  
  
Boy, Ororo thought. Sometimes he so wants such an arse kicking!  
  
Meanwhile Hank, holding his back began pushing everyone out of his lab. And when it was finally empty, locked the door and went in search of a first aid kit.  
  
Boy, he thought. Sometimes Charles so wants such an arse kicking. You do not ask a mad man if his momma knows he uses words like that. It is just too dangerous.  
  
So everyone had gone his or her separate ways. The youngest to various common rooms to continue discussions and to find dictionaries. The older to various bedrooms, storage areas, hangars and bars to contemplate the day's events in solitude or with a significant other.   
  
Yes Scott and Jean, I mean you two. 


	5. The Owl Flies At Night

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 5 – The Owl Flies At Night.  
  
The moon rose slowly. Almost red at first and slipping silently to pure snow white. It gleamed, its silver light flooding the landscape and slithering through many crooks and crannies. Slinking into open doors and windows and throwing horrid patterns on the walls and causing the children of the night to appear as more zany collections of common objects.  
  
The moonlight played tricks and made the crowbar that a mad scientist in his lab was using to open a bunch of crates look like a shard of ice. Which it wasn't, it was just ordinary steel, see I told you that the light was tricky, so tricky was this light that the other half-crazed lunatic with him miss-took one thing for some thing else.  
  
The mad scientist paused in the middle of a dramatic action.   
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Mmmm…des are goo'"  
  
"I don't keep food in here, where did you get…oh I don't think you really want to eat those."  
  
"What aren't they chocolate covered peanuts?"  
  
"No I think that they're…"  
  
"No your right, not quite the right… texture, they must be chocolate covered coffee beans."  
  
"No they're…"  
  
"Nice and earthy. Mmmm crunchy."  
  
"No Charles, I think that if you look closely, you will see that you are actually enjoying a handful of rat droppings."  
  
After that exchange, there were the sounds that accompany mistakes in edibility. Coughings, hackings and a large glass of water.  
  
The mad scientist patted his companion on the back and reassured him that if there were going to be symptoms that they would show up in the next 12 hours, after that and he would be fine. Unless it was typhoid.  
  
Then he picked up the crowbar and repeated the dramatic action formulated in such a way that as much moonlight flashed off it. It hit the crate and with a sharp levering motion spilt one of the sides of it. With many stabbing motions more crates were forcefully opened with no consideration of how they would feel. The monster!  
  
And then with a wipe of his brow, he marched over to a wall…  
  
… And switched on a light.  
  
"What!" he said. "You don't have lights on when you are doing something mysterious, dramatic and quite possibly forbidden by many moral codes! It just wouldn't be proper. And I don't want Charles to eat anything else."  
  
And he was right. Before Hank switched on the light the Professor was indeed getting a little too close to a beaker of sulphuric acid.  
  
"No Charles! That is not lemonade."  
  
"It isn't?"  
  
"No, put the beaker down."  
  
There was muttering along the lines of '…always telling me what to…' the half-crazed and now possibly poisoned lunatic sulked in his wheelchair.   
  
"Come over here," said Hank gently, "See the crates are open, oh look at all the Styrofoam peanuts and the bubble wrap, I know how much you like that!"  
  
Xavier looked over in a non-committing way. But didn't move.  
  
Hank picked up a large sheet. "Stars and garters, this bit is so darn big. I just don't know what to do with it."  
  
Xavier remained carefully uninterested.  
  
Hank sighed. "Oh well, there is just so much of it I am going to have to throw it away." He looked at Charles.  
  
Who remained painfully indifferent.  
  
A smile spread across Hank's face. " Or I could just…" he popped one of the bubbles; it made the most glorious snap.  
  
He looked up from the bubble wrap at Charl…  
  
A pair of hands on his other side snatched it away. Very sneaky. The bubbles burst like machine guns.   
  
That was until there was a noise above them. Both looked cautiously up, somebody had heard the bubble wrap if they came down here they might see the crates and the small bubble-wrapped treasures spilling from their insides. Oh no!   
  
The small scuffling upstairs faded. Probably just a rat, leaving more chocolate covered peanuts, no coffee beans around.   
  
The mad scientist and the half-crazed lunatic looked at each other, was everyone still slumbering peacefully, unaware of what was going on beneath them?   
  
"On with the plan?" One whispered.  
  
The other nodded. And with that they began the finishing touches.   
  
One each.  
  
A lovely surprise.  
  
Presented in a very affectionate and personal way. 


	6. Surprise!

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 6 – Surprise!  
  
The night had been long for Logan. There had been the sulking in the Jet Hangar. The talking earnestly to the Jet. The polishing of the Jet while talking to it. The murmurs of encouragement and small terms of endearment to the Jet, all the while stroking said Jet. And of course we cannot forget the kissing of the Jet goodnight. The only disturbing thing amongst this was the fact that, to Logan at least, the Jet was talking back.   
  
It had been a tiring day. The kissing the Jet good morning, the driving to the airport, the planning of schemes to pay back Charles, the worrying about the Jet, the storming around worrying about the Jet, the sulking with the Jet, etc, etc. Not to mention the staying up really late and getting up really early to worry about the Jet. Logan had been a very busy boy.  
  
And when it reached that early morning hour Logan felt empty inside. He decided to go to bed and recharge his angry batteries so he could have another round with Xavier the next morning. So he went to his room and flopped into bed and fell into a deep slumber. Which would have been uneasy had he known the horrors that would befall him the next day.  
  
Sunlight bounced into many rooms that morning. It frolicked over carpets. Frisked over snoozing bodies. And gently stirred dust and people alike. It was a beautiful light, warm and golden. Perfect. Also a complete and total lying bastard.   
  
The light fell on the softly sleeping form of Logan. Awwww he looked so sweet sleeping like that. You could almost love him. All sprawled out face down on his little bed, and his boots on and everything. The light would have normally woken him, but a small object that had been placed on his nightstand with so much affection and thought shielded his eyes.   
  
The object looked innocent enough. In a horrifyingly ugly and creepy way. It was its eyes that were the most frightening. The light somehow sensed this and kept away causing strange shadows around it. And so it stood, evil glinting off of every gaily-painted surface.  
  
Until it moved. Logan's eyes snapped open. In his first stage of wakefulness, the terrible being loomed above him and struck fear in his heart.   
  
Logan slammed up against the wall as far away from it as possible, a strange keening noise rang in his ears. What th' hell was that f@*ken noise! He thought.  
  
He was about to blame the creature before him when he realised that it was actually him. So he stopped and for a moment hoped that nobody heard him. He turned his attention back to the monstrosity perched on his nightstand. It smiled, in an obviously false way; Logan narrowed his eyes and approached it carefully. He sniffed the air, and it smiled. Charles and Blue had been here. Aha! So this was their doing. I. Will. Have. Revenge! He thought as he smiled. Oh boy yes.  
  
Logan stood over the nightstand and its occupant. It had a bow on it and a card. Dear Logan, it read, would have hidden it under your breakfast steak but the paint would have come off. The rest of the surprise later. Love Charles and Hank xxxooo.   
  
Logan turned the card over and then tossed it in the corner. Then as an extra thought tossed the Gnome out the window which made a squirrel very angry.   
  
Logan was not the only one to be surprised in such a manner. Kurt having just woken and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, remembered a burger, which he had hidden from Bobby only last night. So he climbed out of bed burrowed under his bed and pulled out his secret box. It contained all the stuff he wanted to keep secret, like his diary and his teddy. Ah there it was still in its wrapper, practically preserved. The wrapper was soon removed and a large bite taken. Kurt chewed thoughtfully; yes the flavour does mature overnight. Mmmmmhuh? He looked down into the box between his feet; there was something odd in it. A weird smooth, red thing poked out from under some old magazines. Kurt shifted them away and screamed.   
  
Which woke up Scott next door and who later found that his car had been commandeered.   
  
Jean found hers when instead of the panda the Scott had so gallantly won her at the county show in her arms a very cheerful gnome enjoying himself immensely.  
  
Bobby's sprang out of a box when opened.  
  
And Ororo found hers doing something rather rude and cheeky in to her indoor water feature.  
  
All bore the little red stick-on bow and a card. Each was signed in an affectionate and personal manner. And each gnome was treated in the same manner. That is to say there where a lot of angry squirrels that day.   
  
Every one except Kitty's who seemed to like hers in a disconcerting kind of way. The grotesque thing even sat beside her at breakfast. Which was just as well because nobody else wanted to.  
  
But still everyone, yes even Kitty had severe miss-givings of the surprise that they had been told was yet to come.  
  
So when the Professor and Hank finally came down to breakfast and then went back up and locked themselves up in Charles' specially reinforced study that had been made so for special occasions, like a screaming Logan chasing them with a very "displeased" expression on his face. The explanation came after Logan had been calmed down and given a Scooby Snack.   
  
You see Charles and Hank in the few weeks before their holiday had noticed a distressing lack of team bonding between the members of the X-men. This problem had been solved, they had discovered the delightful gnomes in Germany and bought them from an old gypsy woman, for a fantastically cheep price that it would have been a crime not to. The whole actual purpose of the Gnomes was that they where going to rip out the fountain in the front yard and altogether as a family and a team construct something decorative with their beautiful gnomes. Oh and the crate of Plastic Flamingos in the Lab.   
  
Charles smiled and nodded over his clasped hands. "And what do you say?"  
  
"Thankyou." Replied everyone through clenched teeth. 


	7. Gnomes, gnomes, gnomes

Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.  
  
Chapter 8 – Gnomes, Gnomes, gnomes!   
  
Now we return to our Heroes and their odd predicament. Some of them where having trouble understanding how the Professor and Hank became, how could I say…  
  
F@*ked up.   
  
Ororo was one of them. She had got one of the rawest deals of everybody. She was very upset and most of her problem was with her gnome. You see Ororo has this sense of style and ripping out tasteful and elegant fountains and replacing them with these… these… shoddily painted and hideous abominations really cramped hers. And the fact that her gnome was the sort that widdles into fishponds and peeks over its shoulder with a cheeky leer did not make her any happier. In fact it really pissed her off. There where thunderclouds a-brewing and they were just above their heads.   
  
And that did not bode well for moral.  
  
Everybody except the Professor and of course his side-kick Hank, spent the rest of the day wandering around in a daze. Which was accompanied by feelings of helplessness and being put upon. You would have these feelings too if, Hank found that the gnomes had been re-homed prematurely, found mostly in a head-down position with f@*ked off squirrels underneath. And Xavier decided to set up some rules after some when behind his back and did it again, even though he had carefully and gently explained to them that they shouldn't.   
  
So he called them all before him. The rules were:  
  
1.Your gnome must be with you at all times.   
  
Everyone groaned, Charles put an admonishing hand up. "No." He said firmly. "I am saying this because those gnomes are a deep heartfelt gift to you all from me and Hank, and the least you can do is make an old man like him happy by seeing the joy on your faces because of our gift before he dies."  
  
A worried frown creased Hank's face. " Before I die?" He looked at Charles. "Old man? What are you saying Charles?"  
  
Xavier patted Hank on the shoulder. "Don't listen to me. We'll discuss it later."  
  
2.Your Gnome must be treated with respect, as befits a magnificent example of fine stone carving.   
  
Everybody glowered at this announcement. The Professor sat back in is wheelchair; he shook his head with a mixture of disgust and sadness on his face. "Don't tell me, that you are all so ungrateful for the last gift that a dying man has given you." He indicated towards Hank, who was now sitting bolt upright giving Charles a bewildered look.  
  
"For shame!" Continued Charles, his voice chocked with emotion. " I don't think I know any of you anymore. Where has my loving, caring and well-bonded X-men gone? I… I cannot continue its just so…" He tailed off. And sat in deep contemplation.   
  
At this display everyone felt like scum. They looked at their feet. Except Hank and Logan. Hank sat, still completely confused, whereas Logan stood by the door. He knew Charles, and if he wasn't taking the piss then he didn't know his ass from his elbow.  
  
And Logan was right Charles watched everyone out of the corner of his eye, yes this was good. He suddenly cleared his throat and continued.  
  
"And there is one more rule." He said   
  
3.Everyone is to work together on this project.  
  
They all looked at him. Charles said kindly as he looked at Hank. "It's the least we can do for him."  
  
Hank looked about him, all eyes stared in his direction, some with pity, others with curiosity. Hank shuddered and excused himself whereupon he went straight down to the Med Lab and ran a barrage of tests on himself, and shed everywhere.   
  
Once Hank was gone, Xavier admonished everyone again about how cruel and inconsiderate they had all been. He then issued a warning; anyone caught breaking the rules he had set would be punished, terribly. With this news some of the group looked thoughtful, Xavier looked them in the eye "I mean it you know, believe me I will know that you have done something, I am a mind reader after all. Especially you Logan!"  
  
"I didn't do anythin'!" Logan said hotly.  
  
"Yes you did I saw you!" accused Charles.  
  
"I did not!" Rumbled Logan.  
  
"Don't lie, Logan, you did too! I really hate it when you do that!"  
  
"Whatever ol' man." Muttered Logan as he looked out the window.  
  
The Professor smacked his hand against the armrest of his wheelchair, "No Logan!" he cried. " For once take me seriously, you never do, it's not fair! I try my best by you and this is what you do to me! Oh I have suckled a viper to my bosom…" Xavier put his hand to his and looked up at the ceiling.  
  
Meanwhile the rest of the group watched this performance, not with glee; no they were still in too much shock. But they were still enjoying it. Logan's face was priceless. His lips were moving but no sound was coming out. One could only imaging what he was saying.   
  
Finally Logan spun around, "What!" he roared.  
  
Charles halted in mid sentence. "…and another thing!…Pardon?"  
  
"What th' hell are we fightin' about!"  
  
The Professor paused and rubbed his chin. "I don't remember!" he said lamely.  
  
Logan growled and rolled his eyes. "I think this was about th' Gnomes." He shook his head in disgust.  
  
"Oh… That's right, silly me! No, what I was going to say was that the Gnomes where expensive, and don't get me started on the shipping, oy!" He slapped his head.  
  
He was about to continue when Logan interrupted. "What do ya mean, expensive. I thought ya said that not buying these god-fersaken things would be a crime against economy!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well are they or not!"   
  
Xavier gave Logan an odd look. "I don't know what you are talking about." And he wheeled to the study door. He turned to look at Logan. " Just remember what I said, you don't look after your Gnome, I will take it off you and you wont get it back. And then I will kick you out onto the street and change the locks! So there!" He blew a raspberry and rolled away.   
  
This shocking news made everyone all aflutter. Was the Professor being serious? And had he gone completely insane? And was he telling the truth abou…  
  
Xavier's head popped back around the door. "Yes!" he said fiercely. "That applies to everybody, an, an, you're all poopyheads!"  
  
There was silence as everyone considered this information. Ororo shook her head; the Professor was definitely not going to get three sugars in his coffee anymore. 


End file.
